|
|
Fallen
Mortal and imperfect
I’m left behind
Wandering aimlessly through
shadowed alleys and discontent streets
Alone. Isolated. Useless.
My head is filled with regrets
as intangible as dreams
as unreal as forgiveness
I search blindly for a purpose
Stumbling on heartaches and betrayals.
Roadblocks of my own doing, forgotten
in the midst of some somnambulistic illusion.
Tattered fragments of my ego slip
Down and squish between my toes.
Implode. Explode. Disintegrate.
I struggle not to collapse on my self.
The throbbing black hole where my heart once was
beckons me to the security of its dark embrace.
No hope but the stifling safety of
Myself.
My screams of anguish
are muffled in a black shroud.
But I can finally sleep.
|
|
To Err is Human
Feel this.
Maybe I’ll never be that girl that-doesn’t-give-a-damn-anymore.
Same Shit, Different Day.
Glass fragments in my heart make breathing hard.
Discontented gremlins await their attack on my sanity.
Marquis de Sade knew what he was doing.
Soak up my love like a sponge and get drunk.
Self inflicted wounds protect you from those of others.
I cut myself just to know that I bleed.
Doves have red blood too.
On the dance floor, a song reverberates our soles.
Only rubber souls bounce back.
Forget the real, live the reel.
Music video-fy my life. Always a song in background of my daily drudge.
See me! See me on the inside. This is me. I love you. I hate you. I want you. I need you. I could do better. I can’t do worse. God made you for me.
Shun me. Despise me. Loath me. Hurt me. Abuse me. Use me. Rape me. Kill me.
Lost, wandering, demystifyed, cursed, unaware, asleep in a fog.
Lump of carbon-based life-form.
Feel nothing.
All you want is to f*** and die. |
|
|
HAUNTED
You killed me and now I slip
past the doorway like memories
through a seive.
Beyond me your eyes search
but was I ever here?
A blemish next to your face
in a yellowed photo.
A faint haze in your rearview
mirror
Lost and perpetually hitchhiking
You try to make ammends and touch me
but I disappear for want of something more
It was never my intention
to haunt you
but I’m here because
I can’t let go.
|
FILL MY VOID
You have attacked me
Again
A weed
A nuisance
You wish to take root
and flourish
in my soul
your relentless tendrils
probe into the lonely
crevices of my fortress
climbing, grappling, entwining
pulling me apart
you pry and penetrate
you suck me dry until I succumb
And I’m left a brittle shell
Empty of myself
and full of you.
|
|
Terra Nullius
I.
Dark desires lurk behind a door
my soul can’t shut. Tendrils leap out and entwine me
in a warm embrace. Disembodied voices carress
the shell of my rationality. Give in.
Tear civilization from your breath.
Tear blinding tears away from your eyes.
The primeval glimmers within like the cocooned
secret of a geode. Break it open. Reveal.
A whispered treasure for another Pandora.
Soar without wings.
Without a halo.
A tempting prospect. I can’t
Refuse.
II.
I exist only as you have willed it
My emotions, affectations on puppet strings,
dangling, tossed and twisted in the turbulence
of your own accord
Carelessly thrown into another play
of your whims. Tell me what I feel.
Move me as you wish.
A gentle wave of your hands and I fly.
Release your hold and I fall.
Atrophied limbs lie uselessly at my side.
No longer do they remember how to move
Away.
III.
I’ve been wrong before.
Darkness and ill intentions
feed my Fear
Sucks my heart into itself
Claws my soul into retreat
Slaps supposed sense into me
My shield. My fortress.
A shroud to kill me before my time.
Tear it away.
Let me be
free to breathe and live.
free to bleed and die.
free to choose my fate.
|
|
There are people around me but sometimes I feel utterly alone. I know everyone does. Let’s be alone together.
There was this poem I had written a long time ago about two empty bowls sitting on a shelf gathering dust, unused, forgotten, empty earthen bowls. Empty earthen bowls, you and I, sit and wait…The glass vases on the coffee table mock us as sunlight glints along their surface and and haloes the bouquet of spring blooms they wear…Their crystalline throw rainbows all around….Robust coffee mugs filled to the brim, stout and sure in their utility, await guests in the kitchen…. Leftovers lounge in space-age tupperware in the fridge…Treasured trinkets lay tangled at the bottom of a jewelry box in the bedroom.Yet, you and I, empty earthen bowls, gather dust and listen to memories echo through our insides….But, if we were to come together, like dusty hemispheres of a broken planet, our emptiness would be ours alone.
|
August 23, 2001
"Suddenly, do I not dance
to the tune of a drummer on crack?
I let my hair down unexpectedly
to throw you off guard
To make you wonder if there was
actually more to me than you
thought
However, grass grows between my toes
and cobwebs shroud my eyes
I offer you an ultimatum and nothing
beyond that
Silver platters clang too much and
blind you in the light
Hope for you is a paper plate soggy
in the middle ready to let everything fall
through
Yet you already know I
won’t last forever
You hold me with both hands as I
disintegrate into nonexistence."
|
|
